The Everyday Bucket List

You’ve heard of a bucket list, right? 

If you don’t know, it’s a list of experiences and achievements you want to have before a certain age or milestone in your life. For many people it’s about completing this list before they “kick the bucket”. It’s common for people with a terminal diagnosis to have a bucket list. But it could be something as benign as, for instance, you want to learn how to play an instrument before you turn 40. 

Maybe you’ve thought about it. Maybe you haven’t. But how life goes is that, before you know it, you’re middle aged with a mortgage and the kids are heading off to college. Then you blink and they’re throwing you a retirement party. 

And the list? You haven’t really had time to get to it. And now you’re realizing that some of the things you’ve wanted to do with your life might not never happen.

So, that got me thinking, maybe our focus is misaligned. Maybe our process is backwards. Maybe we’re just thinking about all this the wrong way. 

Why and When?

Why would we want to have a bucket list? Why wait to do the things we want to do? Why can’t every day be a bucket list day? Even when we’re young. Even if we don’t have a terminal diagnosis. Why target a certain age or the threat of death to motivate us to have those amazing experiences; to do the things we’ve always wanted to do?

Life is Too Short

That’s what we say. That’s what we realize when we look in the mirror and notice the person looking back at us is getting wrinkles and gray hair. 

We say “life’s too short” when someone we know dies too early. And then we have those moments of reflection, thinking: “Maybe I need to revisit my priorities.”

But that’s the challenge, isn’t it? Timing our lives to do the right things at the right time. 

Here’s what I think. Life’s too short because, for most of our lives, we haven’t thought much about the real value of time. And more importantly, what we should be doing with that time. 

Many of us put off the important stuff, thinking it’s OK. No rush. We can always do it later. Maybe that’s true, maybe it isn’t. It’s a gamble we take with what we will discover is the most valuable thing we have. 

But, what if?

Image for a moment if we could refocus our time. What if we make room in our lives to check off bucket list items early and often? What if we decide to gamble less with the unknowable amount of time we have left and just go do those things – be more spontaneous – stop procrastinating. 

I am fully aware of the counter argument, because I lived it. It’s this: How could we possibly live out our bucket list if we are too busy working and earning our way to retirement? Paying off the mortgage, putting our kids through college , and servicing all of life’s demands. Many of us live from paycheck to paycheck for much of our adult lives. So, where is the extra time and money to go do these bucket list things? 

That’s a fair argument. Or is it? It’s definitely the easy route, to just say: "I can’t do that". 

Let’s consider a few things. Maybe we can actually cut your own path to the live the life we want. Today I have 5 things that I’ve done that shifted my mindset away from this trap of thinking I need to wait on the bucket list. I found a way to break the shackles the world put on me to keep me from living like I wanted it. 

Here they are:

#1 - I did a tech reboot.  This helped me reclaim some of my time and money without loosing anything of any real value. Consider these things:

• Your phone is a thief.
  • Every time we get a notification on our smart phone, it breaks our focus and distracts us. That’s exactly why many CEOs prefer flip phones because they prioritize direct communication over texting. It helps them stay focused and reduces needless distractions. They choose old-school simplicity because it works. And, it’s cheaper.
  • I don’t have a flip phone, but I do shut off most notifications. I don’t want my phone commanding me. I’d rather be engaged with the world around me because it’s waiting for me to show up and give my real life more of  my attention. Smartphone notifications can also trigger stress and contribute to impaired memory. All these smart phone features are not as great as phone makers will tell you.
• I also significantly reduced my social media exposure. Social media and all the advertising associated with it is designed to be an addictive habit that sucks away precious time and money from us. I have freed up that time and money so I could reclaim it for the life you want to live.
• After I got off of these social platforms I realized who my real friends were. I call them now and have real face-to-face time together. Lots of studies show how technology is making us less connected. If your bucket list involves reconnecting with other people, your tech is actually prohibiting that from happening. Meet your people for coffee or lunch. Just spend time with those who are important to you. Sure, you’ll miss a few “friend” notifications and “likes” but what you’ll gain is real connection and great memories.
• The last thing I’ll mention with a tech reboot is that I rarely turn my TV on. I will never get back the time I spent watching mindless and insulting TV shows. No one ever says on their death bed that they wish they would have watched more TV. Chances are that whatever you’re watching, it’s not worth the time it’s stealing from you. My advice to you is to take careful and jealous control of your time.

#2 - Re-budget. I bought a subscription to Boldin to help me see my entire financial picture and to help me manage my budget more closely. Boldin has allowed me to easily find places to trim my spending and re-allocate that money. Boldin has given me a tool that has allowed me to live more like I want it. If you don’t have Boldin, you should try it for free to see what it can do for you.  

It’s important for you to look closely at your budget to see where all your money is going. Money problems are often not income problems, they are spending problems. Here are a few of the most obvious ways of cutting back: 

• eat out less and cook more at home, together with your loved ones
• cut away subscriptions that aren’t contributing to the life you want
• reduce what you are spending on mindless entertainment
• stop spontaneous on-line shopping so you have more financial resources to focus on your needs
• make your own coffee at home. I buy premium coffee beans and make it myself for a fraction of what many people spend at a coffee shop. Try Black rifle Coffee Company or Atlas Coffee Club. 

Based on your spending, come up with your own list of where you can cut back. All of this will help you redefine your needs and your wants. In turn, this will re-purpose your money toward the things you need most in life. 

Cutting just 10% of your spending could finance at least some of your bucket list items. Be honest and be critical – you may be surprised at how much more enjoyable and meaningful you make your life by just re-budgeting your money. Maybe you can cut more than 10%. What could that do for you? 

Then after you re-budget your finances, do the exact same thing with budgeting your time. Keep a ledger for a couple weeks of how much time you spend on things throughout the day. Break up the ledger entries into categories then add up each category. I suspect there may be some categories you could spend less time doing. The objective of this exercise is to stop doing things that won’t get you to the live you want to live. 

#3 Care Less about your work life. For years I cared way more about what my employer wanted from me than I should have. When I started caring more about me and my life’s purpose and less about things going on at work, everything changed for the better. My mental and physical health. My zeal for life. My relationships. Everything that was most important to me improved. 

I could spend a lot of time talking about this one. I could talk about how employers will often demand or expect more from you than what they are compensating you to do. I could tell you about how some employers will treat you like property and toss you aside when they are done with you. I could talk about the threats for noncompliance with their demand on your life. I could talk about how work stress is killing you and stealing your life from you and your family. I could tell you about deceptive practices that make you feel important and cared for, but in the end will show their true face. 

Newsflash: your company will always protect the bottom line before they protect your well-being. Let that sink in. 

I could tell you about corporate greed. On and on. I’ve lived it all. 

Maybe you work for a company that isn’t what I just described. GREAT for you! Stick with it!

But working for a living is a two edged sword, isn’t it? 

Sure, there are negatives. But careers can be rewarding. They can help you find purpose in your professional life. It’s where you may find life-time friends. It can finance your life and give you the resources you need to support your family. You may create great memories at work. All these are necessary and wonderful, to which we should be grateful. 

There’s nothing wrong with good hard work. It’s what has advanced us into a civilized society. We’re not riding an animal to town anymore because someone got paid to built you a car. We’re not burning candles or oil lamps anymore because someone got paid to bring a wire to your house. There’s plenty of good in the work we do. There are many positive things you can get from a career.

But, looking back, I now know that we should be thinking of our work as a means to an end. Stop working for your employer and start working for you. Don’t agree to employment terms that give permission for your employer to steal your life from you. Our work should not define our life. Our purpose for being should be far more than what we get paid to do. Even if you are a medical doctor or fireman – your purpose and passion for living and your love for doing good brought you into that profession. But never surrender your life to your profession . Be very jealous about protecting your passion for living and the time you need to do that. 

There’s all kinds of research out there about job-related burn-out, work-life balance, mental and physical health impacts of devoting ourselves to our work, impacts on longevity, etc.  

I mentioned "work-life balance". This is a term that I have found to be misused by employers. They often use it in this way: "We want control as much of your life as possible, but because we're such a great employer, you can keep a little of it for yourself." Don't fall into that trap. Instead, think about it in reverse: Life-Work Balance. Your life must always come first. You work should only be to finance and support the life you want to live. 

If you want more time to chase your bucket list, don’t sacrifice it all at the corporate alter. Save yourself to do what you want to do with your life. 

#4 - I created a Reverse Bucket List. I began focusing on what I already have and away from what I was missing. 

Happiness isn’t always found in acquiring what you don’t have. If you ever worked long and hard for something, you know the feeling of that achievement. But that feeling doesn’t last very long. Soon you are off that high and on to the next thing. Achievement is often transitory.

If you want longer lasting satisfaction and more sustained fulfillment, do this: make a list of things you already have or have already accomplished. For example:

• Children. Having and raising children is a powerful and meaningful life accomplishment! You’ve created, nurtured, and helped build the next generation and are now part of human history. Think of the memories, challenges, successes, and even all the failures and missteps that taught you and your children about life. It’s quite an extraordinary portfolio.
• Career. Career accomplishments, goals, awards, and the impact you had on the company and on all the people who bought your product or service helped make many lives better.
• Church and Community Involvement. What have you done in your community to make it better? Volunteer work? Organizational involvement? Fundraisers and community programs? Benefits and achievements to which you’ve contributed? Someone has a better life because of your community involvement.
• Friendships. Think of all the friends you’ve made, the memories you created, the times you’ve shared, and the support you gave. You made a significant impact in the life’s of your friends.
• Skills. What have you done with the skills you’ve developed? Who have you helped? What good have you brought to someone's life because of the skills you've developed and used for benefit. 
• Experiences. Life is full of experiences from which we’ve learned. Or maybe from your experiences you’ve taught or helped others. What experiences have you shared with others? Maybe some of them were through tough times, or maybe celebratory times. I suspect your experiences are either treasured by you or by someone else. 

A reverse bucket list is an exercise in what psychology would call “grateful recounting”. Normally this increases well-being and helps us realize how extraordinary our life has already been. Don’t discount the value you’ve already brought into the world. 

#5 - Created an Anti-bucket list. I created an anti-bucket list, which is a list of simple every day pleasures. It’s a list of things that already bring us joy. It’s an exercise in celebrating the small but great moments we live every day. 

Maybe it’s watching the sun rise or set. Maybe it’s that first cup of coffee. Birds singing in your backyard. A friendly conversation with a neighbor, a sibling, or an old friend. Watching your grandchildren discover something new to them. Maybe sharing a good laugh with your wife or husband. 

There are many simple every day pleasures that bring us joy. This is an exercise that helps us recognize that every day is filled with amazing experiences that we often take for granted. 

Counting your blessings can be much deeper than an cliché’. Our life doesn’t need to be a list of extraordinary accomplishments or achievements. We don’t need to travel the world, or take first place in something, or stand on top of a high peak. The most powerful and impactful things in our life that bring us our greatest joys are often those simple daily life pleasures. 

You may not need to chase a bucket list. You may only need an anti-bucket list.

Summary

Some people make and work on a bucket list, other don’t, and then there are people, more like me, who just do our best to try and live every day like we want it, like an every day bucket list. 

I have links down below to some of the research. 

As always, I encourage you to go out and live like you want it.

Phones and relationships: https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-art-living-free/202008/5-ways-your-phone-is-harming-your-relationships 

Flip phones may be better: https://www.businessinsider.com/successful-people-who-still-use-flip-phones-2015-9 

Dangerous phone notifications: https://thebraineracademy.com/notifications-focus-brain/ 

Social media addition: https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC11594359/ 

TV is bad for your brain: https://www.health.harvard.edu/mind-and-mood/too-much-tv-might-be-bad-for-your-brain 

Stressors at work: https://www.apa.org/topics/healthy-workplaces/work-stress Dr 

Arthur Brooks: https://www.ted.com/talks/arthur_brooks_the_art_and_science_of_happiness